Many couples avoid conversations about money, often out of fear, discomfort or the belief that love will paper over the cracks. But silence breeds misunderstanding. Without open dialogue and shared goals, partners can quietly drift apart – one saving for the future, the other living for the now.
Whether it’s avoiding tough talks about debt, rushing to merge finances or neglecting retirement planning, the consequences compound. Unspoken expectations, overspending and mismatched priorities can quietly strain a relationship until it breaks. And by the time the budget blows up – or retirement looms with nothing saved – it’s often too late.
Here are seven money mistakes that could end a relationship.
1. Avoiding money conversations
The mistake: Couples sidestep tough money chats.
Why it matters: Without clarity on income, debt or habits, partners grow apart – and financial issues fester.
Fix: Book a monthly finance date to share updates and align expectations.
2. Skipping shared goals
The mistake: You’re on different financial tracks.
Why it matters: While one saves for a home, the other splurges. Misaligned goals mean delayed progress.
Fix: Agree on short- and long-term objectives and budget accordingly.
3. Merging too soon – or not at all
The mistake: Rushing into joint finances – or never doing so.
Why it matters: Premature integration complicates break-ups, while total separation breeds mistrust.
Fix: Opt for joint accounts for shared bills, with solo accounts for personal spending.
4. Ignoring red flags
The mistake: Turning a blind eye to debts or poor credit.
Why it matters: Hidden financial issues are stress triggers – and divorce predictors.
Fix: Be upfront early on – and work together to tackle any warning signs.
5. Neglecting retirement
The mistake: Living for today alone.
Why it matters: Putting off retirement planning leaves couples vulnerable in the long term.
Fix: Start small – aim for your employer’s pension match – then build from there.
6. One person does it all
The mistake: Leaving money management to one partner.
Why it matters: The other is left in the dark – and helpless if things go wrong.
Fix: Share the load – both partners should know the numbers and make decisions together.
7. Spending without a plan
The mistake: No budget – just impulse.
Why it matters: Unchecked spending derails goals and erodes trust.
Fix: Create a budget with clear categories for essentials, savings, and a little fun.
Why it matters
Arguing about money early in a relationship is the top predictor of divorce, more so than family issues, parenting or intimacy.
Financial infidelity – hiding purchases or debts – affects 27% of couples and strongly undermines relationship satisfaction.
After divorce, women’s household income drops by nearly 50% on average in the first year.
Money isn’t just numbers – it’s trust, communication and a shared vision. Talk about it early. Get ahead of conflict. And build a partnership where love and prosperity can thrive.
Hardi Swart is the managing director of Family Wealth Custodians and a certified financial planner with more than 15 years of experience. He specialises in investment strategy, portfolio structuring and fiduciary services. He was named South Africa’s Financial Planner of the Year in 2019. Hardi also holds an international master’s degree in financial planning.
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