Pantry vs Relish vs Zuney: Joburg’s burger triangle, ranked

There are many ways to understand Joburg.

You can study traffic, property, school politics and where people are suddenly willing to drive for lunch. Or you can do what I did last week and start a minor public debate on Instagram Stories by saying, quite plainly, that Relish makes a better burger than Pantry.

This was not received as a casual remark. People weighed in, recommendations flew in, and some alliances were formed. Somebody asked whether I had tried Zuney, which I hadn’t at the time of my Pantry and Relish comparison. Sarah from Currency, clearly a woman who takes her civic duties seriously, went to investigate and came back with notes. At that point, this stopped being about preference and became an assignment. So I assembled a panel: the Jozi Burger Jury. One mother (me), two boys, Sifiso (20) and Thando (18), one teenage girl, Tshimo (15), and several strong opinions.

The task at hand

And so here we are, on that Joburg North stretch of Jan Smuts Avenue where Pantry, at the Sasol forecourt, has elevated the quick stop into a luxury pit stop. Relish, at Astron Energy, offers a Halaal food oasis with real burger appeal. And Zuney, which has just opened at Nine Yards, brings its farm-to-table wagyu offering. Between them, they form a neat little triangle of Joburg burger culture.

What I’ve realised is that Joburg does not do modest burgers. Even our quick bites have aspirations.

Somewhere between the three burger joints, Joburg has turned this particular meal into a personality test. Of course, taste matters first: the meat, the bun, the chips, that first bite. But so do mood, packaging and whether the whole thing feels worth the outing. In this city, what you order says something about how you move through Joburg, the kind of atmosphere you like, how seriously you take your chips, and whether a paper-wrapped dinner feels casual or faintly performative.

First off, what your burger says about you

The burger for when you want to feel faintly superior: this is the burger for people who say they are just popping in quickly, but somehow do so in a place with perfect lighting and a pastry counter. It is less about lunch than about atmosphere management.

The burger for boys: this category privileges appetite over nuance. It asks important questions: is it messy enough? Are the chips generous? Does it feel like value? Does anybody need to stop speaking and just eat?

The burger with main-character energy: this one arrives already aware of itself. It knows it is stylish. It knows it is being judged. It may be excellent. It may simply be expensive. But either way, it has entered the chat.

The burger you would actually go back for at 9.30pm: a critical category. There is a difference between admiration and craving. Late-night repeatability is the true test of a city burger.

The burger most likely to divide a family: every ranking needs one. The burger one person calls balanced and another calls underwhelming. The burger one person finds premium, and another finds overthought.

The Jozi Burger Jury scores the contenders

Pantry

Pantry is probably the best-looking burger of the three. The bun has that glossy, polished, almost smug sheen that does very well in pictures. The burger tastes good, too. More than good, actually. It is rich, satisfying and very competently put together. And the chips are excellent, which matters more than some burger people like to admit. Pantry’s Jan Smuts store is the original 24-hour “easy to be fancy” forecourt fantasy, and the whole place understands presentation, convenience and mood. Its cheeseburger costs R150-R180 with fries.

But here is the problem for Pantry, there is a difference between impressive and irresistible. Pantry wins on visual appeal, chips and polish. It feels like the burger you choose when you want your quick meal to reflect well on you. For Tshimo, the aesthetics are a win!

Relish

Relish, for me, is the one that hits the spot.

It does not need to pose. It just tastes better. There is something more immediate about it, more satisfying, more “yes, that’s exactly it”. Maybe it is balance. Maybe it is seasoning. Maybe it is that the whole place feels less self-conscious. Relish has quickly become one of those Jan Smuts spots people mention when they want to eat after dark, and the format helps: 24 hours, Halaal kitchen, bakery, deli, diner, generous seating, a bit of a buzz. Its cheeseburger comes in at R155 with fries.

This is the burger you go back for. The burger that hits the mark. The burger with the strongest repeat factor. The boys loved it. It also feels the most Jozi to me: confident, unfussy, a little extra, and very aware that half the point is being able to get it whenever you want it.

Zuney

Zuney is the triangle’s main-character burger. It trades on farm-to-table wagyu, smash-burger cool and a deliberately tight menu. At Rosebank’s Nine Yards branch, the classic is about R180 for the cheeseburger, with wagyu fries as an extra side; delivery listings describe those fries as hand-cut and twice-cooked in wagyu tallow.

Now for the awkward part: we did not love it.

It is fine. But “fine” is a dangerous place to be when you are a bit on the expensive side and built on premium meat. The tallow fries will absolutely have their fans, but in our house they did not land. The burger itself was okay, but only okay. It felt like a place you are supposed to admire a little more than you actually do. This is the burger for people who enjoy the idea of the burger almost as much as the burger.

The ranking

So, after due consideration from the Jozi Burger Jury, the ranking currently stands:

1. Relish

Best overall. This is the one for people who want flavour over theatre, and the one you would actually go back for at 9.30pm.

2. Pantry

Best-looking burger. This is for the person who likes a little polish with their meal and wants lunch to look as put-together as they are.

3. Zuney

Main-character burger. Stylish, premium and fully aware of itself and, in our house, the one most likely to divide a family.

Outside the triangle

Jan Smuts is not the whole city. So we have given a shoutout to others that we visit now and again.

Sparky’s is what you go for when you want the spirit of a McDonald’s cheeseburger, but with more actual food, more heft and a little more grown-up self-respect. It feels like a burger that understands modern cravings.

BGR is the classic no-drama choice: straightforward burgers, a short menu, and the comforting sense that nobody is trying to reinvent your lunch. The menu remains reassuringly simple, with cheeseburgers, double cheeseburgers, fries and frozen custard.

SLAPS belongs in the sidebar because it is really a sando place first. That is its charm. It is there for people who like a little category confusion with their comfort food.

And then, respectfully,

Wimpy. Not part of the lifestyle-burger moment, perhaps, but absolutely part of the South African burger memory bank. Wimpy opened its first South African restaurant in Durban in 1967. It is the elder. Show respect.

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_{Top image: Facebook; Rawpixel/Currency collage. Images: Facebook; X.}